i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
