Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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