i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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