Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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