Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
