I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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