he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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