There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
