My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
