So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
