You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
