I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
