so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
being pregnant is like rehab
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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