garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
