last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
