After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
