there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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