I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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