I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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