Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize