clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
