what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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