I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can't put those talents on a resume
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
