I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
