Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
