zippers are such a cool invention
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
