Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
