you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
false alarm. still invincible.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
