I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
