If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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