I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
