where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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