Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
