are you so shy because you have an std?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
