Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
