She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
