plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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