No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
