a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
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He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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