He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
