Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
