I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
