laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
