dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We talked him into tasing himself.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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