why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
