peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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