Michael Bay diarrhea
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
