My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I stole a fireplace last night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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