i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
