can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
