why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
