I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I will be naked everywhere
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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