I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
