I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
