i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
