Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
