brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
