We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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