the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
