does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
