the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
