I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
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Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
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The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize